AuntieB: Here's the question from another reader:
My toddler runs down the hall, bounces on furniture, rolls on the floor and throws tantrums, screaming, waving arms and kicking legs. What can I do?
It's simple: GO OUTSIDE!
There is a great need in toddler development to exercise growing bodies and minds that are becoming passionately independent. The inner demand is for movement. When bound up too tightly by indoor limits and high expectations to conform to adult living, your child may throw a tantrum. Limbs and emotions pour out in a flailing frenzy that could have been channeled into more healthy outdoor play.
- Gross motor is for outside.
- Moving quietly and speaking gently is for inside.
Begun early, in the cradle, with both indoor quiet time and outdoor free play blanket time, the child starts on a clear path of acceptable behavior. Being loud and rowdy -- outside, and gentle and quiet indoors is dependent upon the parent. Children learn behavior directly from you.
If you want to laugh loudly, play and cavort with your child in the living room, then the message to the child imprints clearly that this is what is acceptable and expected indoors. Laughter equates with approval. If you laugh when your child bounces on a chair, goes for a wild twirling ride in a swivel chair or jumps up and down on the sofa, then the message is "This is okay, fun behavior." It doesn't seem so cute when it happens in someone else's' home. If fact, it isn't acceptable.
Manners and social behavior are learned. And, toddlers need desperately to move. How do I handle this? Just say: "I see you want to run down the hallway. Walk in the hall. I will take you outside to run."
It is the adult's responsibility to read the child's body language and cues. "Chairs are for sitting. If you want to bounce, let's go outside to your rocking horse or swing where you can bounce."
"You are climbing up on the sofa and standing up. Sofas are for sitting. Let's sit together on the sofa and read a book."
"You still want to climb. Let's go outside so you can go on your climber."
- Toddlers need to climb up, climb down, walk up / walk down hills, berms and ramps. They need to run -- grassy parks, beach, and playgrounds.
- They need to step over.
- They need to throw, bang objects, and crawl in and out of spaces.
- They need to touch and feel all kinds of materials.
- They need to pour and dump water, sand, leaves, and dirt.
- They need to stir.
- They need to smell all kinds of things.
- They need to hear and identify noises; garbage truck, siren, vacuum cleaners, fans, birds singing, voices of other children yelling, laughing and crying.
Most of these activities are fun for you and for your child done outdoors. But how much outdoor time, you ask?
Well, for toddlers, 18 months to three years old, two long play periods outside, one in the morning and one in the afternoon. By the time a child turns two, morning and afternoon play should extend to two hours per session. (This includes toileting time and showering time if outdoors is done at the beach.)
Parenting is work. What they learn from you, birth to three years, sets them up for the rest of their lives. Why not give them the best examples possible so that in this challenging world they will get these important social skills from you.
Toddlers watch and imitate their heroes who are you, their parents, their grandparents, aunts, uncles and close friends. If you have self-discipline, manners, an inquisitive mind, respect for others, love, laughter and hope, why not give all of these gifts to your child?
You are their first and most important teachers. Life is a banquet. Give of yourself and the child has a wonderful feast. Do Go Outside!
Grandmama: Lest you think that AuntyB is speaking impossibilites, I'd like to share part of a letter I received from her about this subject and my granddaugther with whom she works daily:
. . . . She tests me on some rules like standing up in a chair or bouncing on the furniture. I remember what you said about always standing firm and do so even if it comes to some tantrums.
I don't permit screaming temper tantrums in the main part of the house. I tell her that if she needs to be loud to go into her room and close the door. When she is read to come out, she may. That seems to work for me. Tantrums are very few and far between.
Lots of gross motor (running free) development taking place.. . .
This is part of a greater discussion I call "MOM." It's an acronym: Mean Ole Mother.
In a nutshell: You (or Dad or whoever is responsible for the child at the moment) must be consistent, have clear rules of behavior, and enforce them. It provides the outside controls a child must have until they develop the inner controls themselves.
The timing of the development of those inner controls is different for each child and has a lot to do with their individual physical and emotional development and consistency on the part of caregivers.
Some kiddos with ADD or ADHD may need help longer, lots longer. Do not weary in well-doing, for in the end you will reap, if you faint not. Our ADD daughter graduated from high school with high honors and just completed her BFA. An extremely creative person, she is also married, has a job and is a freelance artist. Through a lot of work on her (and our) part, she's learned to channel her energies.
Mom, Dad, Aunts, Uncles, Caregivers, keep doing the good work you've been called to!
PS: One old codger said that the best thing for kids was lots of acreage to run around in.
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