AuntieB: Here’s a situation from one of our readers:
My daughter is 28 months old. Her routine for naps is to eat lunch, use the potty, put on a red sleeping T-shirt and to go down for a two hour hap between 11:45 and noon. Recently, she had gone down for her nap fine, but instead of going to sleep peacefully as usual, she stays awake. She sings, talks, thrashes about the bed and sits up. She has one stuffed “sleep” teddy bear and a knitted blue blanket for covering and holding. Sometimes, she takes thirty minutes to an hour to settle down and sleep. Other times, she stays awake the whole two hour rest time. Once she fell out of bed trying to get over the low rails. What can I do to help her sleeplessness?
Number One: There is a cause. Determine that cause, and then you can address it. Two plus year olds are growing rapidly. Sometimes, our expectations of behavior jump ahead of their actual time and place in space.
You still have a baby turning little girl. Step back a little in time to an earlier period. Begin comfort measures and self-calming techniques to empower your daughter to take control again. She is ultimately responsible for her own self-calming to sleep.
What did you do at one year, one and a half and two years to help her calm down to sleep? Spend every naptime in a row reinstituting these techniques. Be Consistent. Soon she will fall back into the norm of calming down to sleep. Then, she will no longer require your help.
Toddlerhood extends up to three years of age. Expect setbacks. Deal with them and go on. Life is a struggle, especially for a two year old who is trying hard to become independent.
Some causes of sleeplessness:
- A change in routine. This is the number one cause.
- Not enough come down quiet time before sleep.
- A full bladder.
- A prolonged absence of a significant adult in the child’s life, resulting in insecurity and restlessness.
- A burst in growth.
- A burst into language.
- A change in diet. If cookies or sugary desserts are added to the noon meal, they may cause a sugar high and hyperactivity. Watch out for highly sugared fruit drinks in boxes.
- Not enough gross motor activities: running, climbing, swinging, sliding, playing ball, swimming, tumbling, frisking with a dog or cat.
Young children cling tenaciously to routine. This means meal times, sleep times, gross motor activities, and restful indoor playtime. One day of change at the circus, being kept up too late, being over-stimulated by loud “loving” adults, or witnessing friction between parents has a profound effect. This may result in sleeplessness, crying, tantrums, negativism and refusal to cooperate in self-care.
Often, day cares have terrible Mondays and Tuesdays with young children who become out of sync with their usual schedules over the weekends. What is seen as abundant fun and games on Saturday and Sunday with a disregard for the usual rhythm of the child’s day have long lasting readjustments. A few hours of quality prolonged fun results in days of readjustment to the normal routine.
Toddlers need continuity. Toddlers need routine. This assures them of a secure, safe environment with adults that can be the buffer for experiencing their growth in independence.
Keep it the same, parents! Have fun within the parameters of their world and understanding. As your baby grows into childhood, the periods of playtime extends. Right now, they need hours to sleep, eat, play, talk and develop social graces. Food, patient understanding and sleep nourish brain development.
Grandmama: I also received a call on this subject from another reader. Her son was having difficulty related to several of these causes plus a recent traumatic accident. Consistency is absolutely imperative in helping them through these times. It is that consistency which teaches them the skills of overcoming sleeplessness on their own later in life.
You also may be hamstringing your efforts if your child does not get enough sleep! Getting Bedtime Back on Track by Mandy Gurney and Tracey Marshall, who specialize in childhood sleep disturbances, may also give you more information you need to help your child.
This film clip from Jo Frost's Supernanny is about her Sleep Separation Technique. Note that the mother does not make eye contact with or talk to her child after putting him to bed, even though she must put him back in bed repeatedly. Patience and Persistence.
AuntyB and I agree with all of them on the need for absolute, week and weekend long sleep routine. One of the blessings of parenting is that the difficulties come along with the joys. Don't let the hard times overwhelm the good. It's all a matter of perspective.
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