Why Doesn't My Toddler Do What He's Told

A reader writes:

My 2 year old seems to lack discipline (?). I am not talking about perfect table manners, but about the ability, and willingness, to perform simple tasks when asked. The kind of sophistication that says:

A task has been asked of me.

I know how to do this task.

I want to do this task. (Or, You can't make me do this task!)

I am trying to do this task.

I did it! I did it!

Many times it seems that he does not realize that someone has asked him to do something (ie. doesn't get past Step 1). And I don't know when it's an act or if he really did not understand. And other times he assigns himself tasks that will be completed no matter what (one of his favorites is putting away the dishes from the dishwasher).

I have seen some area daycares where they constantly give children his age instructions, and they seem very capable of doing them. Is his less structured enviornment (he goes to a in-home daycare) not teaching him the skills that he will need to understand how to follow instructions? Or is he just being a toddler?

How much internal discipline and social awareness should I expect at this age?

Grandmama: There's a site with month by month expectations for toddlers. This should help you with where your son stands in development. It's a good idea to also check on your caregiver's expectations for the children. Observe, if you can, for a full day. It's the only way to answer that question.

Now, at home: Remember, he is still in process of learning a foreign language. He doesn't always get all you say. And, it takes a while for him to process the words presented.

The upshot is to try this:

When you want him to do something, get on his level, look in his eyes, don't speak too fast, and use the same phrase each time for a given task.

• "Name, please fold the washclothes while I fold the towels."  Say his name (make sure you have his attention), make the request, additions (while I . . . ) are okay, wait for a response after he processes.
• If you use the phrase "fold the washclothes" (or whatever) each time, he'll have to spend less and less time decoding.

Susannah Wesley's husband said, "I don't see how you can stand to tell that blockhead (one of his 19 children) that 15 times." Her response: "I'd have lost all the benefit if I only told him 14 times."  In other words, it sometimes takes a lot of patient repetition.

Don't give up when you're almost there!

Comments

[Grandmama]

And thanks to you, Kay, for letting us know how he's doing.

Keep it up, girl!

[Kay]

Thanks to y'all, we have been making real progress on requests! His favorite is put the book on the bookshelf.
Completing a task requires throwing his hands above is head, jumping, and shouting I did it!.
Thank you, Dora. And Auntie B and Grandmama.