Lunching with Toddlers

AuntyB: I feel sorry for the toddler mom who doesn't have a routine. Predictable meals and naps are a must for a happy infant-turned-toddler. As there is more morning awake time, the budding child of your heart eases out of the "Mom luxury time" of morning naps. Meals are becoming more on a schedule: 7:30 am for breakfast; 11:30 am for lunch; and, then, 12 - 1:30 or 2:00 for the after-lunch nap time.

Morning winds down at 11:00 am with the opportunity to encourage your toddler to put away toys and bring a sense of peace, order and quiet back into the environment. While keeping a watchful eye (and ear) open for your child, you prepare a lunch for the two of you.

You keep talking and reminding: "Can you put the ball back in the bucket?" Or "Oh, the beads are on the floor. Please put them back in the tray. I am making your lunch." These cue the child that lunch will soon be on the table.

"I am putting your glass of milk on the table now." This is another cue to help the child get into the lunch mindset. "Here is your bib. Please come to the table for lunch."

Mom, be the same - all the time - day in and day out. This readiness for meal eases into a peaceful naptime. The beauty of routine is that IT WORKS! Your child knows what is happening, what is expected and takes ownership of the routine.

Your sturdy little one is asserting independence in many ways. What seems to be obstinance or stubbornness is really a cry to assert ability: "Lemme do it, Mom. I can do it! I want to do it myself! I will do it!" An established routine carried over from infancy will allow the child to take over the routine.

Acting independently is what you want for your child, and also what your child desperately wants.

Comments

[Grandmama]

Ursala,
Following the child is such an important part of raising children. I commend you on recognizing yourself in your son and allowing him to be himself.

Sometimes, I have also seen my mother in my children. I also appreciate that your son, who now "hates" plantains, was so loving to your mother who made them for him.

What a memory for her! What a lifetime memory for him! I'm sure Kay will find some good advice in your comment, too.

Thanks for sharing that experience.

[Ursula]

Well, I am not an English speaking person so I hope you will be indulgent with mistake.
My son, who is eleven now, was a fond of meat. He would eat his meat on his plate and ask for more. He loved pantain too.
I remember when I took him to my country (in Africa), my mother used to ask him what was his preference for lunch or dinner, he replied plantain. What for dinner, plantain again. During our two stay, we ate plantain (fried, mashed, pounded..;)
When we came back from Africa, I thought I would give him plantain often, and guess what? He said no.
Any fried, mashed, or pounded plantain? No mum, i hate plantain.
So I was a little bit like that when a child, that is why I understand him so much. He has periods,and I let him do as he likes.
My advice to you is to make him participate in the cooking. Like a new activity or mix what he dislikes with something he likes much.
Let me know if there is any progress.

[Grandmama]

Kay,
Every day with a little one is progress, of one kind or another. And, whether pleasant or undesirable, it becomes a part of the mosaic of life that will inform his personality.

Enjoy the apparent successes and don't be discouraged by the failures. It is through failures that we learn the most. It helped me to know that those of us mothers who worry and work with our children the most are the ones who really don't have to worry.

When a parent refuses their responsibility, the child suffers insecurity. Those boundaries provide a framework for building self-esteem. An insecure child's behavior is most often out of control causing suffering in the family and society.

Parenting is a tough job, filled with the rewards of a lifetime.

[Kay]

Well, he ate half of a flaky pastery that was filled with cheese and spinach. I'm not sure if this is progress, but I keep up hope!

[Kay]

A small victory: today he put a pea in his mouth and bit down before gently fishing it back out and putting it on his plate.

It only took me 16 months to program his father to like stroganoff. :) If I can get it near his taste buds, I can train them. Yeah!

Oh, wait, I should tell you how we did it. My husband had the idea that our son needed more things green that he already did like (mainly, Honeydew Melon Balls). So after that child ate 1/2 a melon (he just sat down at the bowl where I was balling and started shoveling), 1/2 cup saffron rice and 4 oz beef roast, he was looking around for a light snack to polish it off.

He asked for more melon and I said that he could eat what was on his plate. That was when I pointed out that the peas were also balls. (As in, like the melon balls.) After 45 minutes of coaxing, he put one in his mouth when he thought I wasn't looking. The adventure continues.

[Grandmama]

Dear Kay,
Who knows what lurks in the mind of a two-year-old? At their level of communication, it's inference for us--that and trial and experimentation!

The link in AuntyB's third post, Other Toddler Lunchtime Behavior and One Caution, has a listing of developmental expectations in eating behavior. It helps to know that what you are experiencing is a part of a normal progression.

That doesn't mean you just give up. Children learn appropriate behavior, it's not innate.

Keep up the good work.

[Kay]

For tonight's Chicken Parmesan, I did as you suggested and served the chicken and sauced pasta separately. He liked it fine. Thanks.

[Grandmama]

Well, Kay. So the power struggle continues. That's part of your work for the entire childraising experience. Right now, it's veggies; later, who knows. And, few call it the "Terrific Twos."

It's pretty important for you to remain the one in charge. That doesn't mean being autocratic. It does mean that when you know what's better for him that you don't give in.

You will pass this milestone successfully. I am fully confident in you.

Really, you want a child who will grow into an independent self-directed person. Complete compliance at all times isn't as good as it sounds. Imagine your child, fully grown, and still totally dependent on you for day-to-day decisions. Now, see him grown, making good decisions and occasionally seeking your advice when he needs it. A competent, confident being able to handle his own affairs and secure enough to seek and weigh advice from you and others

One practical suggestion: Young children often don't like their foods mixed up. Peas alone may be devoured; peas and carrots together may be totally rejected. It's just the age and something you don't need to fight. Just present the foods separately and save your wonderful recipes until he's a little older.

Also, I recommend Dr. James Dobson's books, Bringing Up Boys and Dare to Discipline. Prayer and persistence on your part is the key.

[Kay]

Update: I checked with his babysitter today (he eats lunch and snacks there). My rascal eats anything SHE puts on his plate! So it's not a matter of not liking taste/texture/... He thinks that he can get French Fries instead of broccoli if he pushes at home. So maybe this changes the picture. Again, maybe it doesn't. Thanks!

[Kay]

My 2-year-old will only eat 3 vegetables: french fries, ketchup and salsa. As a baby he loved peas, carrots, spinach, and anything else tasty. Now he will not even give it the benefit of licking to see if it might be tasty.

After 6 weeks of the only veggies in his diet being V8 fusion, I got a little desperate and tried offering bribes. Evidently one bite of veggies is more loathsome than a plate of chocolate cookies is good. And he went to bed hungry 3 nights running.

Any ideas on getting vegetables down him?
Thanks.
Kay