AuntyB and Grandmama

Lunching with Toddlers

AuntyB: I feel sorry for the toddler mom who doesn't have a routine. Predictable meals and naps are a must for a happy infant-turned-toddler. As there is more morning awake time, the budding child of your heart eases out of the "Mom luxury time" of morning naps. Meals are becoming more on a schedule: 7:30 am for breakfast; 11:30 am for lunch; and, then, 12 - 1:30 or 2:00 for the after-lunch nap time.

Morning winds down at 11:00 am with the opportunity to encourage your toddler to put away toys and bring a sense of peace, order and quiet back into the environment. While keeping a watchful eye (and ear) open for your child, you prepare a lunch for the two of you.

You keep talking and reminding: "Can you put the ball back in the bucket?" Or "Oh, the beads are on the floor. Please put them back in the tray. I am making your lunch." These cue the child that lunch will soon be on the table.

A Toddler Lunchtime Routine that Works!

AuntyB: Every day follow your mealtime routine with your child. Here's a ten step plan:
To start the meal, your toddler needs to:

1. Come to the table when the food is ready.
2. Put on bib.
3. Wash hands.
4. Settle in chair and
5. Ask a blessing - folding hands. This is a great "be still" moment to transition to the new task of eating.

Then, with your company at the table, you

6. Name the foods to be eaten and point to each one. "Today you have pan-broiled salmon, cauliflower, mandarin oranges, banana slices and cheese nip crackers. Here is your milk to drink."

AuntieB's Mealtime tip: Make a Toddler Placemat

Other Toddler Lunchtime Behavior and One Caution

AuntyB: This lunch routine I use works, but so do others. The key to toddler lunchtime behavior is to keeping the same, same, same. And, an adult must be present sitting down with the child at mealtimes to insure safety, socialization, good table manners and increasing dining skills.

Caution: Some actions lead to very poor eating and dining skills. Never feed your child from a baby food jar as they run about the house. This forms "grazing" habits as one bite is taken with the child off to ramble around before coming back to graze again.

You see, great meals, whether with adults or children or both together, have a beginning and an end with lots of positive interaction between the diners.

Toddler Nap — After Lunch! Time Out for Mom

AuntyB: When you are exhausted out of your mind and your child nestles their little head next to your neck and relaxes into your shoulder very ready to fall asleep, you think: "This is as good as it gets."

A last sigh and a tiny voice says, "Night, night." It is recliner time for Mom. The first ten minutes intro to sleep is critical. A few mumbled words and your toddler begins the descent into rest. That's your time to relax for a few minutes, letting the house come to a quiet standstill. Peace for your baby (now toddler) and peace for you as you let go of the tensions of the day and think, "Yes, we've lived another segment for our life together.

It has been a pleasure for me to sit down and reflect about the unfolding of the morning. I add a page to my daily journal. Will my child one day enjoy reading about her day when she was two years old? Events that she has no recall of except through the words on that page.

Toy Storage for Toddlers

AuntyB and I received this set of questions from one of our readers about toys. While it's too involved for one post, we thought you'd like to see and read about her situation. It may come close to home for you, too.

It's a problem I'm sure even my mother had, but probably not her mother. The fashion of providing numerous--and expensive--toys for the majority of children did not come around until after World War 2.

Today's television marketing and the huge discount stores like Walmart and large toy retailers like Toys R Us have made acquiring the toy of the hour an important part of children's lives. More on toys later.

For now, here's Kay toy dilemma followed by an immediate suggestion from Grandmama:

>Dear AuntyB,
My two year old son spends all of his free time in our living/dining room (whenever his baby gate is not keeping him in his room for sleep). So almost all of his toys have been carted into the living room. My question involves three interrelated issues:

1. Volume of Toys
2. Manner of Storage
3. Books

First, he has a lot of toys.
He has to fish the toy out of the toy box, then he can't  play with them very well because the other toys are getting in the way.  So, yes, they need to be pared down, but how?

His relatives keep sending him toys too old for his age -- the little Thomas laptop is cool, for a child a year older. So I have toys too old that he's keeping. 

And he's still playing with all of his infant toys, so those stay.  And then he found my stuffed toy stash, and that got added to the pile. 

Sometimes I think that he's not interested in a toy, then two weeks later it's his favorite again.  So how do you sort toys at this age?

The Toys are Taking Over My Home!

What can I do to control the huge volume of toys that my two year old has been given? They are everywhere.

AuntyB: Toddlers need a routine of indoor shelf practical life learning tasks, playtime and outdoor movement time.

• Practical life learning tasks: The majority of the toddler's time should be devoted to practical life skills: dining, sleeping, bathing, toilet learning, restoring the play room, personal grooming and dressing.
• Gross Motor Development: Bodies are maturing very fast. There are great bursts of energy that need movement, essentially outdoors, always supervised but with lots of freedom to move without restrictions. This age child is finding the body's place in space. Balance, coordination, falls and getting up again are how we learn to pit ourselves against the elements and survive.  This is the toddler's work.  Be creative.

Walking, jumping, skipping, running and dancing are great. So are climbing hills or berms and experiencing different walking textures: sandy beach, gravel path asphalt, dirt road, grass, and leaves.

Work in outdoor water play may include buckets and a small pool; scoops, ladles, dippers, pitchers for pouring ; paint brushes for water painting any and everything outside; and a kitchen scrub brush for scrubbing toys and outdoor table.

They may also garden using hoes, rakes and shovels and help care for pets.

• Indoor Playtime and Toys in the Home Environment: The toddler should have one thirty to forty minute play period indoors in the morning and one thirty to forty play period indoors in the afternoon.  Otherwise, they should be outside in gross motor play or working on practical life tasks, learning.

In my professional educator and personal family experience, this works best for toddlers:

Why Doesn't My Toddler Do What He's Told

A reader writes:

My 2 year old seems to lack discipline (?). I am not talking about perfect table manners, but about the ability, and willingness, to perform simple tasks when asked. The kind of sophistication that says:

A task has been asked of me.

I know how to do this task.

I want to do this task. (Or, You can't make me do this task!)

I am trying to do this task.

I did it! I did it!

Many times it seems that he does not realize that someone has asked him to do something (ie. doesn't get past Step 1). And I don't know when it's an act or if he really did not understand. And other times he assigns himself tasks that will be completed no matter what (one of his favorites is putting away the dishes from the dishwasher).

I have seen some area daycares where they constantly give children his age instructions, and they seem very capable of doing them. Is his less structured enviornment (he goes to a in-home daycare) not teaching him the skills that he will need to understand how to follow instructions? Or is he just being a toddler?

How much internal discipline and social awareness should I expect at this age?

Grandmama: There's a site with month by month expectations for toddlers. This should help you with where your son stands in development. It's a good idea to also check on your caregiver's expectations for the children. Observe, if you can, for a full day. It's the only way to answer that question.

Now, at home: Remember, he is still in process of learning a foreign language. He doesn't always get all you say. And, it takes a while for him to process the words presented.

The upshot is to try this:

What Toys Do I Put On The Toddler Toy Shelf?

AuntyB: Now you have a long empty shelf -- toddler waist high -- with trays and baskets to house twelve toys. A four by six foot unpatterned rug is close by. This is where your child may choose to either stand at the shelf and work with the toy or carry it to the rug area to work.

Mom, can you see how excessive toy clutter is coming under control. Toddlers do move a lot and a five-minute focus on any one item is a long time.

You have observed your child and found the twelve items that are frequently engaged with. With these toys, the shelf will be a continuing delight to the discoverer. He now finds all his favorite work close at hand without digging through and scattering those toys in which he has no interest.

It's up to you, Mom, to begin conditioning your toddler to work with one item and return it to the shelf. You don't have to be arbitrary, just consistent. "I see you have finished with this toy. Let's put it back on the shelf."

During a thirty-minute playtime, your toddler may engage in all work or continue for a time with one toy until satisfied with the challenge of that piece.

I recommend that you start with six toys: three on the top shelf and

Toddler Indoor Toy Shelf Work Ideas

Grandmama: Before AuntyB gets into the ideas she has for that toy shelf, I'd like to speak a word on safety. Some of the "work" she mentions involves manipulation of small parts. And, therefore, I must speak of choke hazard.

Whenever you're thinking of using items that seem small, you have to have your total awareness on what your child is doing.  You can't be called away to the phone or distracted by the doorbell or the dog. An instant is all it takes for tragedy.

Such items must be placed out of reach when not directly supervised. And I do mean totally out of reach. If the shelf is for marginally supervised play, you must limit the toys to those "safe" for your child.

What is small? The Consumer Product Safety Commission has established guidelines and publications to help. You'll want a choke tube. From the CPSC:

The Small Parts Regulation specifies how to test for small parts. In essence, if we determine that a toy is intended for children under 3, the toy is tested using a small parts test cylinder, also known as a “choke” tube. This is a hollow truncated cylinder with dimensions specified in the Small Parts Regulation. If the toy fits entirely within the cylinder, it’s considered a small part. If it doesn’t fit, it’s subjected to use and abuse test procedures and any parts that detach or break off the toy are similarly tested with the choke tube.

A cardboard toilet paper roll is roughly the diameter of a choke tube, so people at home may use that as a general guide if they’re concerned about a toy’s size for a young child.

Sadly, a choke tube and careful scrutiny of toys is not enough.  In 2006, two children choked to death on the oversized, plastic nails that came with Playskool's Toy Bench.  That toy remains on their "10 Most Wanted" List.

One of the current horrors is the Magnetix toys.  The magnets can come off and if swallowed or inhaled can attract to one another causing perforation or blockage of the intestine. According to CPSC:

To date, CPSC and Mega Brands are aware of one death, one aspiration and 27 intestinal injuries. Emergency surgical intervention was needed in all but one case. At least 1,500 incidents of magnets separating from the building pieces have been reported. Although the Magentix hazard was initially thought to be a problem primarily for children younger than six, it has since been learned that at least ten injuries involved children between the ages of 6 and 11 years old.

Since you're reading this on the Internet, there's no reason for you not to subscribe to CPSC's recall for infant/child products. They email you a notice whenever they recall one.

So, it's not enough to buy "safe" toys like the Playskool Toolbench or age-appropriate ones like Magnetix. Accidents happen. It is up to you to maintain you awareness and discipline your children for the protection of their lives.

AuntyB's IDEAS FOR INDOOR TOY SHELF WORK

• Bead Stringing: Large wooden beads and a flexible fish tank tube with a knot in the end is the best to begin with. (Grandmama: Not so long a section of tubing that a child could strangle itself with it. Watch every minute where those beads go. No, this is not boring. Cultivate a sense of wonder and discovery at what you see unfolding before your eyes.)
• Simple 2 Piece Puzzle: Individual pieces with matching pictures in the opening help with language as well as successful placement of the piece. Be careful that pieces do not have difficult edges to fit in for beginners. (Grandmama: And check them out with your homemade choke test tube.)
• Viewmaster with multiple slides. (Grandmama: Teach careful use. Supervise.)
• Inexpensive wind-up music box. (Grandmama: One for children or for total direct supervision.)
• Later: Threading cards.

A Simple Way to Sort Your Toddler's Toys

He has so many toys, I don't know what to eliminate and what to keep.

AuntyB: There is an easy way to determine what toys have an appeal and challenge to your toddler. Try a usage study:

• Make a list of every toy that is in the playroom.
• Sit down and observe for a 30 minute period of play in the morning and a 30 minute play period in the afternoon. Do not interact with your child; just observe.
• Each time your child engages with a toy make a tally mark on your list.

The results will be surprising and very helpful. If you can't believe the results, make further observations to see if there is the same pattern.

Then, keep out 12 toys that are favorites. Box up the rest. (More coming on how to organize excess toys.

Set up your toddler shelf with six toys. Add one additional toy every two weeks until there are twelve pieces to choose from. By then, you and your child will have found it desirable to keep the shelf organized after each play session. It cuts down on Mom's work and makes a pleasant place to return to.

Books, Art and Music are separate entities from toy shelf work, as is outdoor play.  Remember, a toddler's main work is practical life and gross motor.

Time spent in relating practical life skills is far more interesting and compelling to the toddler. Loading the dishwasher, folding and carrying clothes, dressing and dining are activities that need careful attention and plenty of time to develop.

What's cooking in the kitchen usually takes precedence over any toy. The child who is included in practical life experiences with the adult is most fortunate. The toddler's sensitivity and inner desire is to learn about the real life going on around. An adult who can take time to allow and share life experiences with the child provides rich learning that a few entertaining toys can never achieve.