AuntyB and Grandmama

Vacations with Toddlers

Grandmama:

In Facebook, one of my friends posted their weekend plans: taking their two children, ages 1 and 4, on a weekend trip. She was looking forward to it. The children were excited. 

Then, the Monday after: "Monday again? YUCK! Had a busy weekend. ________ was.......ok? Very hard to travel with kids."

I'm sharing my response with you:

"My mother, wise woman that she was, said not to take the kids "places" until they were 8. 

My sister, Auntie B, says that taking them often to low-key local places, like parks--which become their parks, their fun memories with you are 

Toddler Brainstorming

AuntyB: The toddler turning preschooler wants so much to enter into conversation. Observing others for months talking around and over them creates a burning desire to be a part of this social system.

In the same way their body moves from one activity to another with brief, intense focusing, so does mind and speech. Can you jump, Mom? Can you jump, Dad? Besides giving directions, showing how and teaching, it is time to refine your tactics and follow the child's thinking.

It is tremendous fun for you and your child as you take time to really listen and let the child lead.

Perhaps your little one will say: "Joe Joe barked at me."

You may respond, "JoJo was telling you hello."

Child: "I don't like loud barking."

Parent: "It hurts your ears?"

Child: "Yes." Pause. "I had couscous for lunch."

Infant Language Development Tips

Language from Infancy and Beyond

AuntyB: Up until the age of two and a half years, your child receives all of the language and words you give out. The first words begin to emerge as consonant and vowel sounds become possible with the tongue, mouth and brain connection. To hear "mama" and "dada" for the first time is a miraculously overwhelming experience for the parent who has waited so long.

It is important from birth to talk to your infant:

• Hold them close.
• Make eye contact.
• Use adult language.
• Use full sentences.

It is an amazing opportunity to give your child the world in words and communication.

Heading to the Montessori School

AuntyB:  The previous two posts, Getting Ready for Montessori School  and Preparation for Montessori School, covered the homestones to prepare your child for the classroom. Many, many experiences are learned in group settings. Keep up the positive and talk with your child's teacher about how to redirect the negatives.

Communication is the key to success. School is at its best in a Parent / Teacher endeavor. Never let anything escalate. Always address concerns without criticism in order to keep your child on the inside track of learning, growing and developing to their fullest potential.

Grandmama: These final words from AuntyB are mostly advice for parents as you enter the next phase of life with your child, sharing him or her with another role model, mentor and teacher. You are their first and last teacher; you've a lifetime job. Those words will help you in dealing with the newcomer in your lives.

As she's written about Montessori school, AuntyB is not making an assumption that preschool is the "best" thing for your child. She's leaving that up to you. As a grandmother--still a mother, though my children are now parents, too--I have firm opinions on this.

Toddler Preparation for Montessori Schools

AuntyB: There are eight more homestones (routines, activities and manners) that you need to be teaching and modeling in order for your child to be ready for a Montessori school. While fairly specific, these same homestones also refer to readiness for any preschool.

1.  Toilet Learning.  Your child has learned to toilet on their own, including wiping and pulling on own underwear and outerwear.

2.  Dining.  Your child dines independently, using utensils and sitting quietly at the table. We've a whole category on dining with your toddler, if you need help.

3.  Fine Motor. Your child can engage in table activity. This means carrying work to a table and putting it away. This may, of course, need minor supervision and reminders.

4.  Dressing. Your child can put on their own coat and shoes. They may need help with closures. If the school uses uniforms, start out dressing your child in uniform at least one week before school starts.

5.  Language and Manners. Your child makes requests respectfully.  For example, "May I use the scissors now?" instead of demanding "I want --or need-- !" This requires lots of modeling at home with respectful request of the child. Your egocentric two year old is growing into a dynamo, learning child who also must share time and materials with others.

Turning 3 -- Getting ready for Montessori School

My toddler is turning three. She is very independent but sometimes reverts back to dependence. Where should she be in order to gain successful entry into a Montessori 3 - 6 year old classroom?

AuntyB:  I prefer to look at certain rites of passage as homestones rather than milestones. Developmental milestones are rigid, time-related tasks that are expected and agonized over if not achieved as the book dictates.

Homestones
Homestones are tasks and routines that are developed over the first three years of life. They come about according to the child's readiness to imitate your modeling. Whatever routine you have set up with the child will determine the tasks that will be accomplished by three years of age.

A Word about Routines
A routine day is one which has unfolded with the child's rhythm of development. It changes slowly over a period of time as the child matures and takes on more responsibility for self-care. Routine allows a sense of safety and stability. Knowing what is going to happen -- and when -- empowers the child to take ownership of the day and the expected time frames for activities.

What makes a successful daily routine? Keeping the routine the same, the same, the same.

Interrupting the day with changes like skipping nap time, late lunches, overstimulating activities will throw the child off routine for days, perhaps a week. If your child is entering a Montessori environment, there will be a set routine to the day which must be adapted to and complied with. Normalizing (getting used to a routine) takes a while. If you have a routine at home, the you have th3e first homestone under your belt. If not, try at least three months prior to entry into school to have a morning routine that does not vary.

AuntyB Hint:  See what the routine is at school and begin to tailor your time slots at home to match that at school.  For example:

• 7 am  Get up and get dressed
• 7:30  Breakfast
• 8:00  Morning Songs -- sitting together on a circular rug
• 8:15 - 9:15  Indoor Table Work
• 9:15 - 9:30 Snack at a table
• 9:30 - 10:30 Outdoor Play
• 11:00 Lunch
• 11:45  Nap

Grandmama:  There it is from one well-qualified and experienced educator to you, dear parent.  Here it is from one generation to the new generation of parents: Not setting up established routines and expectations for your children, along with household responsibilities, is setting yourself and your children for struggles, both now and in the long run. How long? Like through the teenage years and beyond.

You must teach them these skills but gently and through modeling.

My toddler is too, two slow!

Help! I'm out of patience. My toddler is two slow. We never manage to meet any deadline on time any more.  How can I hurry things along?

AuntyB: Take your too slow two year old to Grandmama's or AuntyB's. They have just put on their brakes to their fast-paced lifestyle, trading it in for more deliberate slow-quality moments.  That's why Grandmamas, Auntys and Grandbabies mesh so well.

Both prioritize willfully the enjoyment of small magical successes. All are fiercely independent.They do not want anyone to take over their challenges. There is this mutual understanding. Each allows the other space to unfold and time.

You also need a break!  Recognize that. Your two year old must accomplish goals according to an individual personal inner time frame.  They can not be pushed. Rushing ends up in a tantrum disaster or a passive dependent child.

Give up rigid time schedules or get some outside help when you must meet your own deadlines. You need time to be. Call Grandmama or AuntyB. They remember when you were two and two slow.

I applaud your patience as your little one is working so hard at being independent.

Grandmama: Oh yes. I remember when the Mother's Day Out teacher lovingly told me that she thought of our middle daughter as "The Poky Little Puppy." It wasn't a problem for them or her. And three years later it wasn't a problem with her Kindergarten teacher who said she had the longest attention span of any child she'd ever seen.

But getting out of the house on time. Whew.

Ten Miracle Dining Tips for Toddler Twos!

Grandmama: Because AuntyB deals every day with her two year old charge in her own home, you may be sure that the advice she's giving isn't just from her education (though she is certified in more than one discipline for early childhood) or her experience in leading infant-toddler classes and designing those environments.

If you haven't tried these ten tips, you're in for a wonderful surprise.  Some of them take dedication on your part, but the results in your child's life is worth it.  These tips lead to lifetime skills, not just the convenience of the moment.

AuntyB's Ten Miracle Toddler Dining Tips:

1. Use heavy crockery white divided plate. It can be microwaved and doesn't alter the flavor of food, as does plastic. There is an added benefit of using a heavy divided plate with deep dividers: It is not easily moved accidentally on the table and spilled. If the dividers are deep, there is more success in both spooning and spearing food with a fork because there are sides to push against.
2. Cut down portion sizes to three level tablespoons for fruits and vegetables. That's it as a serving for a two year old. You'll be amazed when you look at a measured serving. This is in keeping with recognized standards.
3. Keep each food separate from the others. (Casseroles are for later on.) It is confusing to a toddler to mix flavors, for the most part and most will refuse presentation of mixed foods, for example, mixed vegetables.

Toddlers' Sleeping Problems and Not Sleeping

AuntieB: Here’s a situation from one of our readers:

My daughter is 28 months old. Her routine for naps is to eat lunch, use the potty, put on a red sleeping T-shirt and to go down for a two hour hap between 11:45 and noon. Recently, she had gone down for her nap fine, but instead of going to sleep peacefully as usual, she stays awake. She sings, talks, thrashes about the bed and sits up. She has one stuffed “sleep” teddy bear and a knitted blue blanket for covering and holding. Sometimes, she takes thirty minutes to an hour to settle down and sleep. Other times, she stays awake the whole two hour rest time. Once she fell out of bed trying to get over the low rails. What can I do to help her sleeplessness?

Number One: There is a cause. Determine that cause, and then you can address it. Two plus year olds are growing rapidly. Sometimes, our expectations of behavior jump ahead of their actual time and place in space.

You still have a baby turning little girl. Step back a little in time to an earlier period. Begin comfort measures and self-calming techniques to empower your daughter to take control again. She is ultimately responsible for her own self-calming to sleep.

What did you do at one year, one and a half and two years to help her calm down to sleep? Spend every naptime in a row reinstituting these techniques. Be Consistent. Soon she will fall back into the norm of calming down to sleep. Then, she will no longer require your help.

Toddlerhood extends up to three years of age. Expect setbacks. Deal with them and go on. Life is a struggle, especially for a two year old who is trying hard to become independent.

Some causes of sleeplessness:

• A change in routine. This is the number one cause.

Living Close to Family: A Personal Note from AuntyB

AuntieB: I grew up with my Granny up the hill in her little white frame house, and my Grandma and Aunt across the creek from our house.  It shaped my life.  I was in and out of their homes daily.

In the cold weather, I would warm my backside at Granny’s open gas heater just inside the front door. Grandma Bennett walked over every morning just to say hello and out the door again.

And, Aunt Ruthie always had time, every day, to see me.  We often had supper together or a cheese and cracker snack.  She played the piano for me, and we sang together.  Ruthie loved gardening, and I loved helping her.  One day, she was bitten by a snake and rushed over to Granny’s home.  Granny cut her finger and bled out the poison.

We all rolled together as a family unit, the child being a common denominator. I was that child. I felt loved by everyone and loved each one dearly.